Debating the Pope

[Mark Feit]

Once during the Dark Ages, the Pope decreed that all Jews must leave
Rome. A huge uproar ensued, and even some of the city's nobles
protested because they had Jewish friends.

So the Pope made a deal. He invited the Jews to send a representative
for a religious debate in the Vatican.

If their man won, the Jews could stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would
leave.

Under that kind of pressure, no one wanted to represent the Jewish
community. Finally a shoemaker named Shmuly stepped forward. He was
not a rabbi, but he was tough as nails, and always gave sound advice
when asked.

Shmuly requested one condition for the debate. Since he didn't speak
Latin, and the Pope didn't speak Hebrew, Shmuly suggested that neither
side talk. The Pope agreed.

The day of the great debate came. Everyone prayed as Shmuly entered
the Vatican.

Shmuly and the Pope sat before the assembled Cardinals for a full
minute before the Pope raised his hand and slowly extended three
fingers.

Shmuly looked back at him and slowly raised one finger.

The Pope waved his hand in a circle around his head. Shmuly
emphatically pointed to the ground between them.

The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Shmuly pulled out an
apple.

The Pope stood up and said, "So be it! This man has argued well. The
Jews can stay."

An hour later, the Cardinals surrounded the Pope asking him to recount
what happened.

"Well, I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded
by holding up one finger to remind me that there is one G-d, and both
our religions worship Him. Then I waved my hand around us to show that
G-d is everywhere. He pointed to the ground between us to show that
G-d is therefore judging this debate. I pulled out the wine and wafer
to show that G-d absolves us from our errors. He pulled out an apple
to remind me that some errors have permanent consequences. He had an
answer for everything. What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Jewish community crowded around Shmuly for his recap.

"Well," said Shmuly, "First he said the Jews have three days to leave
Rome. So I gave him the finger. Then he said the city would be wiped
clean of us, so I said we're staying right here."

"And then?" asked a woman breathlessly.

"Who knows?" said Shmuly. "He took out his lunch, so I took out mine."