New Element

[jaustin at jasononthe.net]

A major research institution recently announced the discovery of the
heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named
Governmentium (Gv) and has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88
deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an
atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which
are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called
peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be
detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction (that
would normally take less than a second) that takes over four days to
complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay,
but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact,
Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each
re-organization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming
isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists
to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a
critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as
critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an
element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it
has half as many peons but twice as many morons.